i have no idea why im in such a good mood righ now, but im not going to question it.
the past two days werent all sunshine. i had a killer head ache and i was feeling a little depressed. even this morning i wasnt that great, but all of a suddon everything just seems better! (maybe cause i acually got out of bed)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Ruth's surgery went well. it takes a long time to recover from though.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Im leaving for the beach tomorrow, which will be very nice. im nervous for the ride down, but i know that once were there everything will be okay. my mom doesnt do well traveling, or going anywhere thats not around the corner for that matter, and the actual getting to the beach is very trying. Its more then a minor anoyence, and it always takes forever, but i just distract myself to keep me from going nuts.
usually when we go to the beach for a week, my dad rents a house there and my mom stays at an Inn near by, but this year my parents are splitting the house. my mom will be there saturday-tuesday, and my dad from tuesday night-saturday. maybe this will work better.
its suposed to rain a few days next week, but luckily we are going somewhere that we can do other stuff.
this is the first year, in a really long time, that i havnt had at least one friend come with me for the whole week. it kinda blows. i always would look foward to spending a whole week with steve, but this year i think it might be for the best that he cant come. we have been fighting (or bickering) alot lately. hes been driving me nuts, so maybe a little time away will make things better. You know distance makes the heart grow fonder.
--------------------------------------------------------
i do love steve, but ive been questioning our relationship lately. im not planning on breaking up with him by any means, but ive been considering if its what i really want.
its only been 3 years and i already feel like all the romance is gone, at least on his part. if its like this now, how bad will it be when were older. its just starting to feel very static, and almost too comfterble. I miss when we were first back together, and feeling excited again.
im also scared hes never gonna get his act together. hes 22, never had a serious job. after high school he spent 2 years doing nothing, then he went to welding school last year. he graduated in june and hasnt done much job searching since then. everytime i say anything, he either gets mad, or promises to change and doesnt.
what if he doesnt find a job for a long time? what if he continues to play video games all day? idk how much more i can take. and there is no nice way to say that to somebody.
im sick of having to constantly care for him.
and then lastly, i was thinking about it, and im not sure how much we have in common anymore. i was trying to think about it the other day, and the only thing i came up with is we both like the out doors. but its not like we go camping or anything often.
is it sad to say i just want to ignor everything i just said? i hurt him alot last year, when i broke up with him, and we got back to being our old selves. i never want to do that again, but im hitting similar problems i had last year.
i wish someone could tell me what to do, and how everything would work out. heh
-------------------------------------------------------
im going to look up NA meetings where im going, because there is no way im going a week without one.
No comments:
Post a Comment