here is the run down

when i start a new blog i like it to be a new chapter, but i think explaining myself first is always a good idea.

most important things
1. I'm in recovery from drug addiction since 10/25/08
2. My friends are the world to me
3. My mom suffers from a extreme form of OCD
4. I've been with my boyfriend since 3/5/07, and i plan on marrying him one day
5. I love kids.
6. Im in college to become a nurse

with that out of the way....

My Health
i have been having some health problems lately. It started about 2 weeks ago with severe pain in my upper right abdomin that sent me to the ER. its been practically constant ever since. there still trying to figure out whats wrong with me. i went and got an upper endoscopy yesterday and then a hida scan of my gallbladder today. with all these tests my body is just exhausted. im in so much pain right now and i dont know how much longer i can take this. now i have to wait 2 weeks before i see my doctor and get all the results.

Its really hard to be nice to people, especially my mom, when im in pain.

Recovery
I havnt been to a meeting since monday, and since its my birthday this weekend, i probably wont make one till next monday. i feel like ive been slacking a little bit. i havnt been reaching out to too many people in my network. i did talk to my sponcer on tuesday, and i talk to my sponcie almost everyday...but i know i need a meeting. If steve wasnt going to be here all weekend i would go to one, but i really just want some time with him.

its been over a week since i wrote on my 6th step. but i said getting into it that i need a break from constant step work right now.

Steve
we have been fighting all the time lately. hes 22 and doesnt have a job, hasnt had one since he graduated high school. he repeats the same old patterns and it gets really frustraiting. everytime he has a minor set back he gives up.

i know i enable him. i do everything for him. im not sure what to do about it though. i mean i want to help him, but if im too nice he will never learn. its hard for me to not help people though, i generally care to much and get overly involved in other peoples problems.

my mom
shes been really getting to me lately. even though im sick and miserable she still expects me to help her and acomidate her. not to mention she acts like me being sick is so hard for her. i mean im the one going through it. she will yell at me for things i want because im sick. i wanted to go to bed early tonight (which you can tell isnt really working out) and she got mad at me for not sitting around and talking to her.

i know she cant help it, but it just feels like shes so self centered. its my birthday this weekend and shes still trying to force me to go with her to the beach. i know your think "why wouldnt she go to the beach?". you have to understand with my moms disability it takes all the fun out of it. we always end up getting ready late, then it takes her 2-4 hours to get out of the house, then 15 mins of checking the drivway and thats when she doesnt end up turning around to check it again, usually on the drive she gets really anxious and theres always a fight. once we get to the beach things are nice ther but when its time to leave ill be waiting several hours before were in the car and then 30-60 mins checking things around the car. with the stress of all that someone in my family always ends up in a fight when we go to the beach. so no thats not how i want to spend my birthday


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i took care of some stuff for school today, which made me feel like a was a little productive. i also did some more online job applications.

ok so its time for me to go to sleep. my body needs serious rest. im pray for improvement tomorrow.